


Losing Control

by Selaena



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:13:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23359075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selaena/pseuds/Selaena
Summary: Natsu tried to stop the shaking of his hands. His dragon wanted out, the fire wanted out. His dragon instincts telling him to set something on fire and watch it burn. Natsu couldn't protect her from himself, not anymore. He was slowly losing control.Previously posted on Fanfiction.net, but it has been revised.
Relationships: Gray Fullbuster/Juvia Lockser, Laxus Dreyar/Mirajane Strauss, Levy McGarden/Gajeel Redfox, Natsu Dragneel/Lucy Heartfilia
Comments: 6
Kudos: 82





	1. Chapter 1

Natsu rolled out of his hammock, landing on the floor with cat-quiet feet. Moving towards the window, he felt his pupils dilate to adjust to the predawn light, the sunrise just beginning to feather across the sky. The window shuddered in his hands as he wrenched it up, the wood sticking to the frame. Natsu could hear the small family of rabbits that had made their home under his front porch, their small hearts beating much faster than any humans’. He thought they were brave for living so close to him, he also thought they would smell better turning over a fire. Maybe he would catch one and bring it to the Guild for lunch. 

He was feeling restless today, his flames wreathing around his bones. His was mind filled with the remnants of a dream of an ocean wind. Sometimes, the longing to fly with his own wings was like nails in his throat, the dragon within scratching at his human skin. When he was younger, he had thought that the longing would die as he aged, but it had only gotten worse. Only Happy’s ability to fly him to the clouds dulled the sharp ache.

“Natsu?” Happy’s voice brought his focus back to the outside world. He released the hand that had become white knuckled on the window sill, frowning at the scorched indentations. 

His flames had been getting more and more volatile, causing him to take longer and more difficult jobs. Even Lucy couldn’t keep up. He was seeing his best friend less and less. He was taking on jobs that required huge amounts of magical power in an attempt to let out the fire that burned beneath his skin. 

“I wanna go on another job, Happy. You can stay here and look after Lucy while I’m gone.” He hated leaving his best friend behind, he always wanted to be around to watch over her. Yet, she was still growing into her magic, and sometimes he forgot that she wasn’t as strong as him, her personality was so bright. He never wanted to hurt her, even accidentally. But sometimes he forgot to be gentle.

Natsu was used to people being afraid of him. Most people were afraid of fire. He also knew that he was not like other men. He was a little too wild, a little too feral. The “human” rules that everyone else instinctively understood just didn’t make sense to him. 

But recently, even he knew he was going too far. It was an uncomfortable pit of ice in his stomach. He was getting more and more violent. 3 months ago, he had sent a fireball at the leader of a Dark Guild. His flames had exploded out of his skin. The fireball, meant to do minor damage, ended up destroying an entire building. Not only that, but his dragon had started clawing at the inside of his skin. His flames had responded, burning higher and hotter, becoming a ravenous monster. All the fighting had frozen. Even Gray and Erza had looked at him askance. 

It's not like this hadn't happened before. His inner dragon always acted up if he tried to keep the flames within his for body too long. 

The problem was, Natsu had been paying extra attention, because Lucy made him promise not to destroy the town, and he never broke his promises to Lucy. He tried to explain to her that he hadn’t meant to, that it had been an accident, and he didn't know what had happened. But Lucy didn't understand, her magic was outside herself, based on her friendship with her spirits. Fire was destruction. Lucy had been livid, Erza disappointed, and Gray annoyed. 

Natsu hadn't explained himself. his fire had been throbbing through him, and the effort of confining them within his skin had hurt. His dragon wanted out; the fire wanted out. For the first time since he was a kid, Natsu had to fight for control of his flames. He had stumbled away from Lucy, terrified that he would burn her. Lucy had thought he was backing away from her yelling.

The rest of the night he had been a bundle of energy. The flame’s constant movements beneath his skin making it impossible for him to hold still. He had wanted to leave for another job the second they got back. Lucy, not understanding his urgency, had told him he had to wait until the next morning. He had spent the whole night running through the woods near his house. Letting his night vision and nose guide him, a dragon with human skin. 

Natsu had woken Lucy up early the next day, pretending that he was just childishly excited, and they had headed straight to the train station. Natsu had preceded to blow up everything he could get his hands on.  
He had hoped he had just grown a little in power. He expected his magic to settle down in a couple of months. But those were months that he would have to spend without Lucy, until he was sure he could control himself. The very thought of her skin turning black and bubbling from a burn made his stomach heave. He'd been taking longer and longer jobs, ones he knew Lucy would have to say 'no' to. 

“NATSU!” Happy yelled right in his ear. 

“ACH!” Flames sprung up around his hands and feet, setting fire to his carpet. 

“SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!” Natsu ruthlessly smothered his flames, feeling a sharp pain up his spine for doing so, and stomped out the carpet. Smoke wafted up around his face. He felt fear lick its way down his spine. That had been a major loss of control. He would have to leave for a job today, maybe take a run through the woods before going to the Guild. Happy stared at him wide-eyed, before breaking into cackling laughter. 

“I scared you!”, Happy screamed with childish delight, “I’m going to tell everyone!”. With one last giggle Happy flew out the window towards the guild. 

Natsu chased after Happy yelling obscenities, and if his hands were shaking, no one was around to see but him.

\----------------------------------

Natsu made a special effort to walk into the guild with all the nonchalance he could muster. His flames were flickering beneath his skin, and it was making him edgy. But, the guild was used to him being a big flaming ball of energy, so Natsu was confident he could play it off. Hopefully. He already made people uncomfortable with how different he was, he didn’t need questions about his control too. If he became a burden they could ask him to leave the guild. That was Natsu's worst nightmare. He wouldn't survive his family abandoning him a second time. 

“NATSU!”

The piercing shout was the only warning he had before Lucy flung herself full force at his chest, clinging tightly to his neck. 

“Luce?”, Natsu cautiously wrapped an arm around her waist, and put another gently on the back of her head. He inhaled deeply through his nose, taking in the wondrous scent of starlight and the air just before rain. His chin gently brushing her temple as he leaned down. 

There was an almost indecipherable mumble against his neck, 

“I missed you.” Her arms tightened.  
Natsu couldn’t help the slightly wounded noise that tore out of his throat. He dropped his hand from the top of her head to the centre of her back, pulling her closer and burying his nose into her neck. 

“I missed you too.” His voice was rough, almost a growl, and conveyed a little more emotion than he was comfortable showing in the middle of the guild. Lucy let out a slightly wet giggle.

“It’s okay, you’re back now.” 

Natsu fully intended to leave again as soon as possible. He was such a bastard. But she couldn’t come with him. 

Natsu loosened his arms and took a step back, but not before dropping a gentle kiss on top of Lucy’s head, almost in apology. 

Lucy’s eyes had narrowed slightly, concern crinkling at the corners. Natsu didn’t want to look her in the eye, if anyone could tell that something was wrong with him, it was Lucy. If she knew he was struggling, she would follow him until her feet bled. He needed to act normal, never would he hurt her.

She opened her mouth to say something, just as Gray walked up and took a swing at him. 

Natsu dodged automatically, and Lucy turned to glare at Gray instead. The relief was crushing, Natsu felt a vaguely disgusting urge to thank Gray. Still, he had a part to play. 

“Oi! What was that for?”

“What d’you think it was for?! I’m going to kick your ass!” Natsu could hear the slight accusation behind the words. Even Gray thought he had been gone too long. He really was a bastard.

The guilt Natsu felt was successfully squashed as a slightly feral grin tugged at the corner of his mouth. He wouldn’t mind pounding the ice princess into the pavement, it might even help get rid of some of his restless energy. Natsu tensed his muscles in preparation for flinging himself at Gray, his inner dragon roaring to the surface. 

Only for it to settle down almost immediately, Lucy had stepped backwards, putting her back to Natsu’s chest and planting herself directly between him and Gray.  
“No”, Lucy’s tone was utterly calm, which instantly had him worried. He could feel his entire body readjusting from the fight stance to curl over her protectively. So, he couldn’t quite keep the surprise off his face when she swiftly turned, linked her hand with his and stalked off, leaving him to stumble stupidly along behind her. 

Lucy then, without permeable, yanked him forward, shoved him into a booth, and smoothly slide in beside him, effectively trapping him against the wall and her body.

He was truly concerned now. 

She didn’t smell injured or sick. Nor did she have any obvious bruising. Had one of her boyfriends broken up with her again? He didn’t know, he didn’t even know if she had a boyfriend, he hadn't been around enough.

Ah, the guilt was back. 

Natsu would have to kill him regardless, whoever he was, and Gray, for letting some prick upset her. His Dragon growled in wicked agreement. 

Just as Natsu was deciding if he should turn them to ash, or roast them slowly; Gray interrupted, again. 

Natsu decided that Gray could be roasted slowly, like a kebab or a s’more. 

“Lucy! If you think flame brain can’t handle it because he’s been gone so long,” the accusation was less subtle this time, “then he should learn his lesson right now!”, Gray emphasized his point by slamming his fist on the table, leaving a smattering of frost on the wooden surface. 

“He just got back; I haven’t talked to him yet! You can have your turn later!”, Lucy shifted, pushing even closer to him, she was practically sitting in his lap now. 

“Besides, he’s already injured!”

“He is?” 

He was?

“Yes! There’s a giant bruise all over your neck! I bet it continues down your back too!” 

Well that explained it, he couldn’t see his own neck. For Natsu, this was the end of the problem. Except that, of course, Lucy was still looking at him.  
“Well?” Natsu knew that his confusion was showing all over his face. On top of that, the higher his emotions ran, the more restless his flames made him. His leg was bouncing a steady rhythm under the table. 

“Er, well wha-?“

“How did you get injured, you dunce!”

“I dunno.” This was, apparently, the wrong answer. Lucy’s cheeks started to flush with rage and she opened her mouth for a retort, but Natsu quickly backtracked. 

“I mean, I… Er… I fell! Yeah, I fell.” She looked even less impressed then before. 

Mavis, he’d missed her. Some of his thoughts must have shown of his face, because she abruptly shut her mouth and ducked her head, causing Natsu to bend down in an attempt to see her expression. 

“SEE Lucy, he doesn’t even remember how he got it, so he’s fine to fight. Right, Flame-brain?”

“What’s this about fighting?”, Erza said as she stepped forwards in her full battle armor.  
“Welcome home, Natsu.” She added, almost as an afterthought, before turning back to Gray.

But Natsu had already lost focus. Lucy still wasn’t looking at him, and she was clutching his hand kinda hard. His flames were starting to prickle against his skin. And the Guild was so loud. He had spent so much time by himself in the forest recently, he had forgotten how much it hurt to be in a city full of people. It was never quiet and he couldn’t smell the trees or the river. The air was full of car exhaust and it was making his nose burn. Natsu’s eyesight was starting to sharpen, and His Dragon wanted out. Where the hell was Happy? His Dragon was clawing its way to the surface. Someone was honking their horn three streets down. A child was crying somewhere near the church. Jet was serenading Levy. There was a scratch on the pole across the room shaped like a Donkey. Cana smelt of whiskey, beer and day-old vomit. There was the slapping of a deck of cards in the corner, and the flash of a reflection from a watch against the wall. The crunching of the gravel outside, and the pounding of feet inside. Mirajane was painting her nails, and it smelt revolting. Why was everything so loud? He wanted out; it was too much. He needed to go- 

“Natsu?” Lucy’s voice and gentle hand on his arm, broke him out of his mini meltdown.

“Hmm, what?” Focus, Natsu, Focus. Lucy, Gray and Erza were all staring at him now, and Lucy’s face wasn’t the only one showing concern. Shit.


	2. Chapter 2

It took Gray less than 30 seconds to figure out what was happening. The stupid Dragon had gone into flameout in the middle of the guild. Gray recognized it from when they were younger. When Natsu’s dragon overruled the human side of his brain, his senses got so sharp that they seemed to physically pain him. Natsu’s pupils had dilated to cat-like slits reflecting an eerie green, and his mouth was set in a line of pain. Luckily, even though it had been years since the last incident, Gray knew exactly what to do. 

“Natsu, let’s go for a walk”, he tried to speak in the softest non-threatening voice he had. The dragon was too close to the surface for Natsu not to react to any overt challenge for dominance.

Natsu went predator still at the sound of his voice, seeming to size Gray up without realizing what he was doing. Gray couldn’t help the slight chill that went down his spine. As much as he and Natsu fought, Gray knew that if Natsu was ever truly serious, it would be Gray that ended up six feet under. 

“Lucy let go of him, we need to go outside, preferably to the woods.” 

Gray could see that moment that Erza caught on, her eyes lighting with concern, even as she shifted uneasily on her feet. Natsu tracked the movement.  
“Natsu?” Lucy’s voice trembled. 

Shit. Lucy was sitting way too close to him. Natsu was very much not receptive to people trying to touch him when he was in this kind of mood. Not only that, but Lucy had no idea what was going on; she was the most likely to set him off. 

Natsu had turned his focus to Lucy, and Gray could feel the temperature of the air steadily rising. 

“Lucy, you need to let go of him right now.” Erza’s tone was firm, but Gray could hear the slight echo of fear. The last time, the Master had gotten into Natsu’s space when he had gone flameout. Natsu had chucked Gramps out a third story window. His magic dancing around him with destructive ferocity. 

Natsu was a lot stronger now. 

Lucy didn't even spare Gray and Erza a glance. The entirety of her attention was on Natsu. 

Then in the softest whisper; Gray had to strain to hear, “Too many people?” 

A jerky nod, white knuckles gripping the table.  
“Okay,” faintly, then firmer, “Okay. We’re leaving.” 

Lucy started to slide out of the booth, Natsu’s hand clasped in hers. Natsu started to follow her, then stopped, yanked his hand out of hers and brought them up in a sharp movement. 

Gray pulled ice into his hands, lethal looking daggers extending outward, leg muscles bunching in preparation to leap across the table. Erza had already dived, forming a human shield between Natsu and Lucy. 

\------------------------

Lucy had no idea what was going on, except that Natsu was in pain, and she just knew that he needed open space and air. His magic felt positively feral. She had just grabbed his hand to pull him gently out of the booth when he ripped his hand out hers, and several things happened very quickly. 

Natsu slapped both hands to his head, covering his ears as if to block out a loud noise. Lucy let out a shriek of surprise and pain as Erza jumped on top of her, and Gray had taken up a battle-ready stance on the other side of the table. 

The temperature rocketed up. 

The table caught fire. 

A growl shivered through the air.

Natsu’s fangs gleamed in flickering firelight.

Lucy, using a strength that people always forgot she possessed, shoved Erza off her and onto the floor, then launched herself at Natsu. Slamming against his chest, she used his shoulders for balance to go on the very top of her tippy toes- was he always this tall? - slid a hand around the back of his neck and pressed her forehead to his. 

“Just focus on me Natsu.” His arm locked around her waist. 

\---------------  
The table was on fire, and Natsu loved it. The smell of burning wood, slowly crumbling to ash, with traces of fear scenting the air. It was ambrosia, he wanted more. He wanted the flames to burn higher, bigger, hotter. He wanted to burn, and watch things bleed. His dragon was stretching in anticipation, claws pushing at his knuckles. 

The ice mage had his weapons out, good. Natsu didn’t want this to be too easy, he wanted to enjoy this.  
First, Natsu was going to - a small projectile hit him in the chest, grabbing his shoulders, and reaching for his neck. His arm locked around the body, a snarl tearing through his throat as his magic swirled up his chest, ready to be released in a rage of destructive fury. 

Only to be confronted with downy blonde hair and the smell of summer storms and starlight. Lucy. 

Natsu paused, his dragon stilled. 

Lucy. 

His Lucy. 

“Just focus on me Natsu.” A gentle command. The dragon chafed at the order, but considering the little waif was completely at his mercy, decided to allow it. Natsu felt some of his human focus come back. He struggled against the instincts telling him that Gray was a threat, and needed to be taken care of immediately. He brought his other had up to Lucy’s waist, his thumb finding the open skin between her skirt and top, using the contact as an anchor. 

A ring of steel. Natsu’s head snapped towards the sound. Erza had pulled her sword. 

The little control Natsu had gained dissolved. Flames sprang up once again, waiting to be released to execute their masters’ will. A violent warning rumbled in his chest. 

Gentle pressure on his jaw, drawing his face back towards blonde and blue. Fingers spreading up towards his cheekbones. 

“On me, just me.” 

His Lucy was always such a vain selfish little thing, it entertained him and his dragon. Erza wasn’t half as much fun. Natsu pressed his forehead back to hers, snapping his teeth at her in amusement. His attention successfully re-obtained. He tightened his arm around her waist, until she was plastered to his chest. Her toes just brushing the ground. His other hand had slipped fully under her shirt, the heat of his hand pressed to the warmth of her hip.

But, Natsu’s battle lust was fading, and with it, his narrowed focus. All the sights, sounds, and scents started to crowd in on him again. His headache was back as if it had never left, hurting even more than it had before. And with the pain, the restless need to get out.


End file.
